After the toilet paper fiasco (you can read about it here: http://2012-proudlyme.nlogspot.com.au/2012/09/the-day-i-grew-tail.htm), I didn't think I could get any "blonder".
Today I did.
Today I did.
I have the house to myself for two whole weeks before the rest of the family return from their sea kayaking adventure around Kadavu, Fiji. I decided that this would be an opportune time to detox and exercise since I didn't have any distractions. I also thought it would be a perfect time to absolutely spring clean the house, top to bottom and every pet haired filled corner. Thankfully I had a three day weekend right in the middle of the two weeks to get all "domestic goddessish" (yes, that is a word) done and dusted.
First, the detox plan. It's going well and I haven't strayed at all. No caffeine, sugar, chocolate, meat, diary, salt - actually nothing much but dust and water along with my detox supplements. (Luckily my house was dusty or I would have starved by now). But seriously. I have two weeks of no rushing back to collect kids, no cooking dinners or making lunch boxes and I decided NOT to party? Hello.... perhaps I am having a nervous breakdown? Perhaps this is my mid life crisis? Perhaps I need a mental health assessment? I have had ample opportunity to drink champagne and lay in bed until all hours, and I decide to clean my innards, lose some weight and be in bed watching a movie every night by 8pm. I'm halfway there now and I'm not turning back. One more week to go and my body will not only be a domestic goddess but also a temple/shrine and much lighter.
Next, the house. With two sons and a husband who are allergic to helping out, the house is probably never going to grace the pages of Vogue Living. Still I wanted to clean and freshen and maybe redecorate before the family returns to mess it up again. First I tidied up. Then did a few loads of washing. Then I went out and bought new bedding and cushions to decorate Toms room, and it is fantastic! A tidy up and fresh rug on Jacks floor and a complete clean up of my room.
Then I saw the floors and realised they needed a massive shampoo and vacuum. Being the long weekend I am unlikely to arrange a vacuum shampoo person to come out, but at least I could do a major vacuum. My beautiful 10yr old Dyson just wasn't up to it. My cheap little KMart special normally reserved for the car moaned and cracked until it gave up. It was time to buy a new machine.
I love the Dyson because they are funky and colourful and somehow seem to make the chore a bit easier to bear. They are the Apple of Vacuum cleaners. So I went into the city and bought myself a small hand held thing to tie me over until I could justify buying the big monster of a machine (over $1000 which really cannot be justified when your family are having a lovely holiday).
I couldn't wait to get the thing home and vacuum my little heart out all afternoon. I tore open the box and put the bits together (technical terms for vacuum cleaner appendages), and vacuumed a couch just to get the feel of it. What had been a dirty greyish couch was actually bright red underneath! (see how these things pay for themselves!). But then it stopped. I tried a different attachment, I emptied the barrel thing and checked the filter. They all seemed fine. The light was green! Green is good right?
Before crying, I called the Dyson helpline and explained my disaster to the lovely lady (Sharon) on the other end. Without laughing, she explained to me that I might want to charge the vacuum before using it again, because its a hand held with a battery. She also explained there are instructions in picture form in the box as well. If I were her I probably would have called me an idiot, but she didn't.
Sometimes I wonder how I got this far in life.
